I’m having roux-n-y gastric bypass surgery in just over 2 weeks, and now I’m starting to freak out a bit. The others on the Obesity Help forums tell me it’s perfectly natural and knowing everyone goes through it helps a bit, but I’m still freaked out.

I’m obsessing over various thoughts:

1.) Have I done enough to prepare myself? Probably not. I was supposed to practice eating very slowly and chewing very carefully and not drinking liquids with my food. I did practice–a little–and then I said, “oh please this is silly” with my usual “too cool for school” attitude and now it’s two weeks out and I’m afraid I won’t know how to do it.  I guess it isn’t too late to start but remembering to do it is another worry altogether.

2.) Can I kick the caffeine habit?  I’ve been told I need to not have caffeine for at least a year. Folks, I’m a caf-fiend! During the nutrition counseling I was down to one cup of coffee per day but I never told them it was a 24 oz mug!  I need my coffee to get moving in the morning. I need it to rinse away the fog of sleep. I LIKE to feel that buzz! Consequently, I’m dragging my heels about giving it up.

3.) What if I have a hard time adjusting or I’m exhausted or I have complications and can’t go back to work?  Currently, I’m temping, but I really like the place and they like ME and want me back after surgery. Maybe I’m wishing for the wrong thing, but since I need a job, I really hope they offer me a more permanent position. They really need the help but they can’t wait forever. Will I be able to jump back in the saddle in 2 or 3 weeks?

4.) Pain. I don’t mean pain from a couple little incisions. That’s nothing and they have drugs for that.  I’m talking about my knees and my back. I have OA in my knees and my back always hurts has done my one hip. Currently I’m taking naproxyn for it, but I won’t be allowed to take it after the surgery. Everyone tells me that the pain will lessen when I lose weight but I know plenty of skinny people with bad knees who are in constant pain.  I especially hate the thought of being in so much pain and needing to exercise. That pain is my biggest reason for gaining weight in the past 7 or 8 years. I can’t walk very far without having terrible pain. I’m not kidding. It really hurts. So I don’t. But I need to move after surgery. They say the more you exercise the less loose skin you need to deal with. which bring me neatly to my next big fear:

5.) Loose skin. I am horrified at the thought of having to live out my days with 20 or 30 or 40 lbs of loose skin sagging around my body. I’ve seen some photos. I’ve heard some stories. I have an idea how much plastic surgery costs. We’re trying to save for a down payment. How can we afford it?  My husband, bless him has no problems looking at me fat, but how does a husband deal with that? How?  Will he be completely disgusted by me? He says not. He tries to reassure me, but how can he know for sure until it actually happens?

There are more worries but now I have that loose skin thought in my head, I can’t think of anything else….