This post is not about menopause or uteri, or doctors I’m pissed at or any of the topics I’ve belabored in recent weeks. It’s about my recent quest to find a swimsuit that fits my decidedly non-Victoria’s Secret body.

When you know me better you’ll learn that I periodically go on these quests–might be a shopping quest or a diet quest or an exercise quest. Sometimes I achieve my “holy grail” — those are usually the shopping quests. Sometimes I fail miserably –usually the exercise quests. Sometimes the quest gets mired in circular thinking or loss of interest — like my “uncluttered, orderly, simple living” quest.

This most recent quest has been for a bathing suit so I can use the pool in this building. If you knew my size you’d know that a decent, well-made, non-revealing “tank” suit is about as unattainable as the real actual Holy Grail. My old suit was…well…old. I had to sit and think about it but I think it was purchased in about 1997 or 98. No kidding. It got some light use one really hot summer when I had another FatLady friend with whom to swim with. Last time I put that suit on–this past summer, it became frighteningly apparent that the elastic on the shoulder straps had rotted — very nearly leading to of one of those Janet Jackson style clothing malfunctions which probably would have scarred my seven-year-old nephew for life. e terrifying thought that I’d someday feel obligated to pony up for some of his Therapy was enough to convince me it was time to gird my loins–metaphorically speaking–and start searching for suitable swimwear. Besides, I’ve been in this building for three years now and there’s a decent enough pool here which seems to get almost no use at all. It’s a perfect workout opportunity for me; one upon a time I was a pretty good swimmer and what’s more, I like it. It’s zero-impact so no whining about my back or my knees or (insert whine du jour here.)

The other thing you need to know about me is that I am cheap. I may require a bathing suit with some serious architecture but I loathe the idea of paying full retail. Ok, I’m selectively cheap. If I could squeeze my Girls into a Victoria Secret Wonder Bra bikini, I’d pay ANY amount of money. But $120 for a FatLady swimsuit? I just can’t do it.

I do most of my clothing shopping online. It saves wear and tear on the ego to be able to try on clothes at home and it saves me from having to endure utter humiliation of going into a store only to find out they don’t carry anything big enough to cover my ASSets. Ah eBay. It took awhile but I found a suit.

All hype aside, eBay really is a wonderful place. I’ve been buying and selling there for years, Can’t say I’ve ever turned a profit, but I’ve found good stuff there and wonderful people and Pat at Totally Wigged Out and Plus Size is one of those wonderful people. She has great stuff for ladies of a certain size. She answers emails in minutes and she’s as nice as can be. Stop by and see her site and tell her FatLady sent you!

And if you’re wondering where I am, check the pool!