I haven’t posted for days. For a beginning blogger, that’s a bad thing. All the pro bloggers post every day at least once a day. It’s Rule One. Well, I’m pleading a bad case of psycho as to why there hasn’t been a post in this space since Monday.

Last time I went to see my family doc, we discussed my feelings about not wanting a hysterectomy and about how long it was taking to get a referral to another ob/gyn or to the oncologist or…well anybody who could do anything to fix me.

Dr P is nothing if not a nice, sympathetic guy so he volunteered to write a prescription for some low-dose birth control pills. According to him and some of what I have read, birth control pills are one of the first treatment options for endometrial hyperplasia. Now, I’m not certain that adding more estrogen to my already unopposed-estrogened uterus is the right thing to do but since I don’t have a medical degree and he does…

…I took the prescription…

…And had it filled.

Now the instructions say to take the 1st pill on the first day of your cycle. Yeah right. I felt like I was about to start for several days. I felt it coming on. I waited and waited. I don’t know. Maybe I didn’t wait long enough. I started at the 1st sign–a spot. One spot. I took the 1st pill.

Then nothing.

I took seven more pills. The whole first row. Then, on the 8th day, I started to bleed for real. I’ve been bleeding for 20 days now. Really bleeding. Not as much as some of the women I’ve read about, but it’s a hell of a lot of blood for me.

I’m psycho and exhausted and weepy and I can barely get off the sofa. I’m cramping and my back aches–probably from spending so much time on the sofa. The laundry is piled up; the sink is full of dishes, and I haven’t sent out a single resume all week. I feel sad about everything and the stories about Aqsa Parvez have had me sobbing into the sofa cushions more than once this week. Then I feel guilty for feeling so sorry for myself and I cry some more. It’s really pathetic.

Also, I haven’t returned emails in a couple weeks. If you haven’t heard from me, this is why. Christmas cards? Not going to happen this year. We haven’t decorated in a couple years anyway so that isn’t weighing on my conscience, but I usually bake some cookies for people–they guys at my husbands work, a few friends–some to take to my nephew. I can’t see that happening this year and I’m sad about it.

My poor husband has a permanently damp shoulder–from all the tears that have landed there. Also there are several chunks missing form is his cute derrière from where I have chewed him out for no good reason. Then I cry because I feel bad for having chewed him out.

My sinuses are in an awful state also. I have allergies and winter indoor air is hard on me. Combine that will all the crying and laying around–so now I’m trying to fight off a sinus infection.

I’m on to the last row of pills–the placebos. Does this mean it will stop soon? I’d try to call the doctor’s office but calling them just takes too much effort and never yields me anything but a headache.

Gee. should I take some more of these pills and see if it gets better?

Not.