Okay so I haven’t posted in 6 months. What a loser, right? I will try to do better. I mean, I’m paying for the web hosting, I should be at least posting something once in awhile.

So here’s a really quick update:

In spite of the freakout I had in the last entry, I did ahead with the surgery. I had an RNY gastric bypass on November 11, 2008. My recovery was completely routine. I went back to work after 3 weeks. I was tired and c-c-cold all winter (a normal side effect of the surgery) but I did very well.

I lost about 50 lbs in the first couple months. The weight loss has slowed down since then but I’m not too, too disappointed because I’m down 88 lbs as I write this. I’m several clothing sizes smaller than I was just 5 months ago.

My gynecological problems are about the same as they were before. I still have one doctor who wants to rip out my insides as a cancer-preventing measure, and another (more sensible) doctor who wants now to send me to a 3rd doctor for another opinion and to find out if I’m a candidate for an ablation. Alas, here in Canada, theses things take time. It might be months before this thing gets resolved. Also, I’m bored with the whole thing and I have better things to do all day than get my panties in a bunch and call these people ever and over again trying to hurry things along. Sigh.

So that’s all I have time for now. I’ll try to post some more details about the surgery, the recovery, food issues, and the revolving collection of used clothing that is my closet these days…..

I’m having roux-n-y gastric bypass surgery in just over 2 weeks, and now I’m starting to freak out a bit. The others on the Obesity Help forums tell me it’s perfectly natural and knowing everyone goes through it helps a bit, but I’m still freaked out.

I’m obsessing over various thoughts:

1.) Have I done enough to prepare myself? Probably not. I was supposed to practice eating very slowly and chewing very carefully and not drinking liquids with my food. I did practice–a little–and then I said, “oh please this is silly” with my usual “too cool for school” attitude and now it’s two weeks out and I’m afraid I won’t know how to do it.  I guess it isn’t too late to start but remembering to do it is another worry altogether.

2.) Can I kick the caffeine habit?  I’ve been told I need to not have caffeine for at least a year. Folks, I’m a caf-fiend! During the nutrition counseling I was down to one cup of coffee per day but I never told them it was a 24 oz mug!  I need my coffee to get moving in the morning. I need it to rinse away the fog of sleep. I LIKE to feel that buzz! Consequently, I’m dragging my heels about giving it up.

3.) What if I have a hard time adjusting or I’m exhausted or I have complications and can’t go back to work?  Currently, I’m temping, but I really like the place and they like ME and want me back after surgery. Maybe I’m wishing for the wrong thing, but since I need a job, I really hope they offer me a more permanent position. They really need the help but they can’t wait forever. Will I be able to jump back in the saddle in 2 or 3 weeks?

4.) Pain. I don’t mean pain from a couple little incisions. That’s nothing and they have drugs for that.  I’m talking about my knees and my back. I have OA in my knees and my back always hurts has done my one hip. Currently I’m taking naproxyn for it, but I won’t be allowed to take it after the surgery. Everyone tells me that the pain will lessen when I lose weight but I know plenty of skinny people with bad knees who are in constant pain.  I especially hate the thought of being in so much pain and needing to exercise. That pain is my biggest reason for gaining weight in the past 7 or 8 years. I can’t walk very far without having terrible pain. I’m not kidding. It really hurts. So I don’t. But I need to move after surgery. They say the more you exercise the less loose skin you need to deal with. which bring me neatly to my next big fear:

5.) Loose skin. I am horrified at the thought of having to live out my days with 20 or 30 or 40 lbs of loose skin sagging around my body. I’ve seen some photos. I’ve heard some stories. I have an idea how much plastic surgery costs. We’re trying to save for a down payment. How can we afford it?  My husband, bless him has no problems looking at me fat, but how does a husband deal with that? How?  Will he be completely disgusted by me? He says not. He tries to reassure me, but how can he know for sure until it actually happens?

There are more worries but now I have that loose skin thought in my head, I can’t think of anything else….

Today was Thanksgiving here in Canada. Normally I spend so much of my time bitching, complaining, or whining about this or that.  Just for today I thought I should I should do something a little different and tell you all what I’m most thankful for.

I’m so grateful and completely in awe of my husband, who this weekend with very little assistance from me, moved 2 van loads of our collected stuff from our old place to the new. No help, no buddies and no complaining. Not only that but he has shuttled a great  deal of from the garage to either our second floor main level or up an additional flight of stairs to the bedrooms. He’s amazing and I’ve fallen in love with him all over again. All this and he took a turn on the after dinner dishes too!

The other thing I’m thankful for is that he loves me! All the bitching and whining and bitching to him and at him, all my moods aside, this wonderful man loves me. It amazes me every day. One of these days I will remember this fact before I open my mouth to say something bitchy. I’m working on it.

My Sweetness, I love him. Thank god or the universe or eharmoney–or cover the bases and thank them all–for sending him to me. I’m a lucky woman.

When my mother said she wanted me to date a doctor, I don’t think this is exactly what she had in mind. Nevertheless she has been very supportive of my decision to have gastric bypass surgery and now I that I am actually on the schedule, it’s all feeling very real.

Oh yeah, it’s November 5th.  We’ll be going to Rochester on the 4th. I don’t have the details yet but I assume I’ll be at the hospital bright and early on the 5th. Two nights inpatient and then five more days we’ll be in residence at some local hotel.  On the seventh day, staples are removed and we get to come home.

And I get to come home to a nice new sunny, home. We are just wrapping up our move to our new townhouse. I’m exhausted even though Sweetness and the moving men did all the heavy lifting (as if dragging this enormous ass up and down stairs isn’t heavy lifting!) My poor man is sound asleep at 10pm and I’m sitting in the middle of a sea of boxes and miscellany. This is the second weekend of this mess too, the moving guys having done their thing last weekend. We rented a smaller van this morning to get the rest of it. Next weekend, we’ll go back and clean the place and then never to return I hope.

It’s driving me ’round the bend to see it like this, but I’m too tired to drag another thing to its new cupboard or room. There’s always tomorrow.

Oh yes and here in Canada, Thanksgiving is on Monday. I have a small turkey in the fridge thawing. I’d rather not go to any fuss for the two of us when there is so much else to do here but if I don’t do it now, I’ll miss out on turkey dinner for awhile.  It’ll be one of my last big meals before I go have a big chunk of my stomach bypassed. Gotta have the turkey dinner, right? Right.

Anyone have any ideas what my very last blow-out dinner should be? I’m actually not even sure I want to go out like that. We did talk about going out to a really fancy place but with all the expense of moving, I don’t think think so. Besides, it’s such as hassle trying to find something to wear to a really nice place. They don’t make really nice things in FatLady size. I think I’d rather have a nice dinner out after I’ve dropped some poundage.

But if I were going to go all out, Last meal for 100 miles, what should it be?

Just a quick update…. I had a follow-up ultrasound a couple weeks ago and then a follow-up appointment with another associate of that Dr who told me I “probably already had” cancer.  The endometrial thickness is much reduced–that is to say my endometrial lining is much thinner than it was a year ago. That’s a good thing. I didn’t get a copy of the report yet and I can’t remember the number but it’s much, much better.  Hysterectomy is off the table now.

I still haven’t told this group that I’m not taking their synthetic progesterone. I went back to Dr Pettle a couple days ago and got a refill on the natural progesterone. Perhaps a wee bit deceitful on my part but I’m calling it a little white lie to keep all us happy. I get to keep my uterus and the big, fancy doctors get to think they were right all along.  Only Dr Pettle and I know the real truth.

Um yeah, I’ve been MIA from the blogosphere lately because I finally got a job.  I won’t be discussing it here, except to say that I really like it and the people I’m working wiith. I’m only a “temp” right now but I hope to stay on for a long time.

There’s plenty of other stuff brewing here at FatLady Central. More on the recent developments soon. I promise.

Generally speaking, I like the Globe and Mail as a newspaper, but I have to say. wouldn’t a better headline be “Millions on Canadians STILL Can’t Get Access to Regular Healthcare”

The Canadian Press

June 18, 2008 at 9:09 AM EDT

TORONTO — A new report from Statistics Canada says an estimated 4.1 million Canadians aged 12 or older are without a family doctor.

The 2007 Canadian Community Health Survey found that among those who have no primary-care physician, about 78 per cent seek medical care elsewhere.

The federal agency says 64 per cent reported going to walk-in or appointment clinics, 12 per cent went to a hospital emergency room, while about 10 per cent went to a community health centre.

The remaining 14 per cent chose to use other types of health-care facilities or services such as hospital out-patient clinics, telephone health lines or doctor’s offices.

The president of the College of Family Physicians of Canada says walk-in clinics, emergency departments and other alternatives are a good safety valve in the system for those unable to access medical care any other way.

But Dr. Ruth Wilson says they are not the best choice for patients who need long-term management of chronic diseases like diabetes and high blood pressure.

Where Canadians without a family doctor went for health care varied across the country. In Ontario and most of the western provinces, the choice was a clinic. In New Brunswick and Nova Scotia, nearly one-quarter of residents sought help in a hospital emergency room.

The use of community health centres by those who did not have a regular medical doctor was significantly higher in Quebec and in Newfoundland and Labrador than in the rest of Canada.

The annual survey takes the pulse of 65,000 Canadians on a wide range of health issues.

Make sure you visit the site and read the comments. I’m betting some folks will want to rant.

Cricket & I have been working at establishing a regular schedule of exercise. This is something that has always been difficult for me to stick to. I have a tenancy to go all out on day one and day two and then hurt myself, sometimes fairly seriously, on day three and be unable to continue. Cricket understands this about me and so having her there keeps me from running amok. We’ve decided for now to do something every week day. That’s five days a week. It usually works out to about 3 or 4. This week, because of work schedules and my ankle still a little tender, we’ve taken it a little easier. We’ll do better next week. We alternate swimming and walking. About an hour of each. We’d like to work up to longer distances in the same amount of time and then add some distance periodically.

Cricket is, well, a very PERKY person. I tease her about it–alot–and judging from her responses, I’m not the first to think so. She’s good for me: it’s hard not get catch her enthusiasm, even when I’m cranky and hungry and PMSing. She lets me go on and on until I exhaust myself or get sick of myself but she never loses that PERKY-ness. She’s been a good antidote for the discouragement that inevitably sets in; I don’t like exercise just for the sake of exercising so “taking a walk” or “going swimming” with a friend–especially a friend like her is always preferable to doing it on my own.

Which brings me to the subject of tonight’s post. FatLady floats! If you aren’t fat, you probably don’t know this and if you are, but you haven’t been in a bathing suit for a long time, you may not be aware. Fat is really, really, (really) seriously, amazingly buoyant. I can hang out in the deep end without even treading water. It’s just too funny! I am a Human Buoy! I am unsinkable! On the downside, I can’t swim under water very well because I can’t seem to keep my big butt UNDER the water. I’ll just let you mull over that image….

I am swimming though, not just hanging out and amusing myself by NOT treading water in the deep end or by allowing my giant ass to bob up out of the water to scare the kiddies. I really am swimming. I’m tired when I get out of that water–and let me tell you–after being so wonderfully buoyant–gravity really sucks for a minute or two!

But swimming I am and loving it. Of course, my form is no good anymore. I’m pretty sure my front crawl looks more like just aimless thrashing around; my backstroke is a little better but doesn’t seem to get my heart pumping as much. I can’t quite remember how the breast stroke works but maybe I’ll figure it out eventually. Buy hey, I’m working the shoulders and kicking the legs and I thinks it’s even possible I might actually be getting a bit of cardiac benefit from it too.

Best of all, my back & knees don’t hurt like they do when we walk. Blech, I hate walking.

Swimming rocks. Oh and no worries about the pool not being clean. First of all, there is almost never anyone in it and second, there is so much chlorine in the water, my new suit is getting bleached out already.

A few days ago, I wrote about my difficulties with the pre-weight-loss surgery diet. I continued to try to follow the strict diet until yesterday. I continued to be hungry and crabby and to bitch and moan to whoever would listen. I asked for help on the forums at obesityhelp.com. and I got it in the form of some kind, supportive comments as well as some practical tips about substituting protein drinks for the snacks.

Last evening, after our walk though, my friend Cricket* and I went to Swiss Chalet. I ordered the Health Check Special which is 1/4 of a roasted chicken–white meat–and I couple sides. I had veggies & a baked potato which I planned to eat with just salt & pepper. During dinner, we talked about our issues with weight, as we often do. I was, as usual, bitching and moaning about this restrictive, depressing, unrealistic diet.

While we chatted, I was toting up everything I was eating in the back of my mind. As I pulled off the chicken wing, intending to put it aside, I thought to myself, “I’ll probably never be able to have another chicken wing as long as I live.” Suddenly I understood WHY the nutritionist prescribed this stupid diet to a room full of RNY candidates: If she hadn’t, I might be running amok right now–pint of Ben & Jerry’s in one hand & a giant turkey leg in the other! I’d be up to my armpits in lemon meringue pie or…well, chicken wings! I’d be running around thinking we had to go to every restaurant in town and bring home every flavor of ice cream and not pass up anything.

And they’d wheel me into surgery with an extra 20 pounds.

Okay, okay. I get it. I’ll be good. I swear.

Now. There’s still the little problem of the “food diary.” I guess I’m going to have to lie my ass off because I’m not going to go hungry for 60+ days. I’ll be good. I won’t go crazy but dammit I can’t survive on the AFTER surgery portions BEFORE the surgery. It just isn’t possible. If I could, I’d be one of those bitchy, skinny women and we wouldn’t be having this little chat.

Perspective. That’s what I needed. Phew.

In addition to being hungry and crabby, I also had a stupid, clumsy accident a couple days ago; I twisted my ankle and fell down on both knees in the parking garage. I thought it was only twisted but after a day of trying really hard to ignore it, it was clear to me from the size of the swelling that it’s more than just twisted–it’s a sprain. Not a bad sprain, but a sprain nevertheless. I’m not going to sacrifice a day to sit in the emergency room to have them ultimately tell me what I already know so I’m just icing it and trying not to move around too much.

I apparently missed a good party on Saturday at the home of WMTC and The Joy of Sox. I’m really sad about that–because I’ve been wanting to meet them and their fur children for like a year now. Crap.